The Glory of God Through The Death of Our Daughter

The image of NO CARDIAC ACTIVITY will forever be seared into the minds and hearts of Mary Michael and I.  On September 19, 2013 at 11:00am we went in for our regular, now weekly, checkup.  Our doctor had scheduled an ultra-sound to check on Margaret Anne’s weight and measurements.  We were anxious to see our girl again and find out how much weight she had gained since the previous checkup.  The tech was only a few minutes into the ultrasound when she excused herself and a few minutes later returned with our doctor.  In seeing him enter the room, MM and I immediately knew all was not well with our girl.  Within a few seconds he confirmed what the tech had seen.  There was no easy way of saying what MM and I already knew to be true.  The tech then quickly typed on the final photo: NO CARDIAC ACTIVITY.

Unless you’ve been in the situation before, words will utterly fail to describe the realization of this, our greatest fear.  The instant onslaught of emotions, fears, loss, anguish, grief, and questions is debilitating and nauseating.  All the prayers, dreams, and hopes we had for our girl felt shattered.  Hours of prayers by thousands of people from all over the world seemingly gone unanswered.  Fear crept in to every crack.  It was an immediate disorientation.  What do we do next?

After taking some time to compose ourselves alone, we met with our doctor to determine the next steps.  He informed us that we needed to induce labor as soon as possible.  Thus, after waiting around 20 hours for an open room in the Labor and Delivery ward, we’re finally here, walking through the final steps of parenting well our firstborn girl.

Margaret Anne lived for 36 ½ weeks.  Rarely has such short a life influenced so many thousands of people, all of whom have never met her.  Her story has traveled around the world and been read by over 18,500 people on our blog.   Something about Margaret Anne pierced all of our hearts to come before the Throne on her behalf.

Do not remember Margaret Anne as a sad tale of a life snuffed out to early or an example of a prayer gone unanswered.  Our daughter lived a wonderfully full life in her 36 ½ weeks.  She urged believers the world over to push on into the Throne room and behold the wonder that is God through prayer.  She spent her entire life for the sake of the Gospel and the glory of God.  God wrote, orchestrated, ordained, and predestined every glorious day of our daughter’s life.  If you have prayed for Margaret Anne, you’ve been part of this story.  You have participated in God’s plan to bring glory to Himself.  You have brushed up against the deepest mystery that is God.  Thank you for being part of weaving the tapestry of Margaret Anne’s life.

God entrusted to Mary Michael and me the eternal privilege of parenting such a unique life ordained to purely and wholly glorify Him alone.  As her father, I’m confident my heart will catch-up to what I know to be true.  From a heart of helplessness and from a loss of knowing how to father my little girl, I decided to build her what will be her only earthly home.  She doesn’t need it, but I do.  I needed to do something tangible for my daughter.  So, I built.  It’s just a simple box.  It’s not perfect in measurement or finish, but it represents all of the love, protection, and passion a father has for his daughter.  There isn’t another one on the planet like it, a fitting earthly home for my entirely unique, wonderful, deeply loved little girl.

I type this from the hospital room as Mary Michael rests between contractions.  These are the final hours we have with our precious girl.  We already miss her, horribly and deeply.  We know the days ahead will be terribly challenging.  YET, we are joyous and with weak, hurting hearts and faith hold fast to truth: Margaret Anne wouldn’t come back if she could.  She now sees fully what her mother and I only see in part.  She gazes with her own eyes on the glory of our Christ.  The Gospel is complete in her life: She has God.

Thank you for y'alls continued prayers for my family!

~ MDDIII