Mary - A Woman of Surrender

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” ~ Proverbs 16:9

For some reason the women of the Bible have become so alive to me and their stories have taken on a whole new meaning in my life during this season. Perhaps it is because many of them are stories of pregnant women, of mothers. God is using these women thousands of years later to teach me, to comfort me, and to remind me of the truths of who He is. 

One of the Biblical women who has been especially on my heart this week is Mary, the mother of Jesus. A word that the Lord has given Marshall and me during this time is “surrender”. I believe Mary is one of the most beautiful examples of surrender in the Bible (besides the man she raised who was the ultimate picture of surrender). Here is this young girl in the prime years of her life about to embark on the joys of marriage. I am sure she was planning her life in her mind and was so excited about the things to come. “Here is my picture perfect life playing out exactly how I always dreamed! I am marrying a good man. Then we will have children and raise them to love the Lord. I will spend my life being a mom and taking care of my family.” But suddenly the Lord steps in and says, “I have different plans for you Mary. Your life will look differently than you dreamed and hoped for. I am putting a fork in the road of your plans so that you may fulfill MY plans for you.” And what does Mary do? How does she respond? Does she run away and say no to His plans? Does she pound her fists to the ground and say, “Why me? Why now?” No. This woman of surrender responds, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” Essentially, “I am a servant of the Lord. I will willingly surrender my plans for His plans.” 

As you can imagine, this is a time of roller coaster emotions and feelings. Some days I feel strong and walk through the day as normally as if everything were going smoothly with our baby. Other days I seem strong and then Marshall and I will be walking through WalMart and I burst into tears. Or, I take frustrations out on my husband because I am angry and I need to be angry at someone. But one of the feelings that Satan throws up in my face most often is that I am less than other pregnant women. I recognize this feeling as a lie but it often plagues me none the less. We have decided to put a nursery and showers on hold so I am not doing the typical “mom-to-be activities”. Sometimes I stop at a baby store and walk around and pick out what I would buy or register for just to feel for a minute like a normal new mom. One of the hardest things about a diagnosis like this is the look people often want to give you. It is a look I believe of genuine sympathy and sorrow for the road you are having to walk. I imagine it is much like the look people give others when they have been diagnosed with cancer. But to be a pregnant woman, walking through a time when people are usually excited and happy for you, it just seems counterintuitive to receive this look. 

This too makes me think about Mary. What kind of looks did she receive? What kind of feelings did she face while she was pregnant? She was engaged but not married and now found herself pregnant?! And what’s more is she believes that she conceived this child from God. I am sure she had days of feeling less than other pregnant women. Yet she walked the road set before her faithfully as a servant of the Living God. 

A dear friend of mine, Meredith, painted a canvas for me when we were in college. It has “Mary’s verse” on it - Luke 1:38. “Behold, I am a servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”  This canvas still hangs in my house today. As I have looked at that canvas everyday recently the Lord has asked my heart, “Will you respond with this same kind of surrender as Mary? Will you too live out Mary’s verse?” 

The other day as I was spending time with the Lord, I was led to read from the devotional book, “Streams in the Desert”. That day’s entry could not have been more clearly written to speak to my heart. Go to the July 16 entry if you would like to read the devotion in its entirety. It begins with these verses, “Because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will...make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky...because you have obeyed me.” (Genesis 22:16-18) The first sentence of the devotion after these verses said, “From the time of Abraham, people have been learning that when they obey God’s voice and surrender to Him whatever they hold most precious, He multiplies it thousands of times...The moment of your greatest sacrifice will also be the precise moment of your greatest and most miraculous blessing.” 

The miraculous blessing Marshall and I have been receiving at this point is the way in which God has called us even more into Himself. He has taken our attention from nurseries, showers, registries, baby clothes, and maternity pictures and has fixed our gaze solely on Him. The time and energy we would have spent devoted to these things is now going to prayer times, quiet times, reading scripture, praying with friends, and giving praise to God. The miraculous blessing is more of Him. Our faith is being exercised and our spiritual life is growing. In this we are being richly blessed.

One of the phrases the Lord has placed in my heart regarding Mary is “Life that is truly Life”. That is what was growing inside of her. That is what she birthed. She did not “miss out on life” because of the Lord’s plans for her but she gave birth to Life that is truly Life.  God spoke to my heart one day as I was crying out to Him for Margaret Anne and He said, “Maybe her life was created to give Life that is truly Life. Maybe her birth is to birth something bigger in me and in Marshall and in all who see. Maybe in her life we will take hold of the Life that is truly Life.” 

So as my feeble heart tries to process this very big thing the Lord has called us to walk in, I am comforted by His voice calling me unto Himself. I try to crush Satan’s lies and attempts to discourage by remembering the truth - I am not missing out on “life” by walking this different road. I call to mind Mary and think about the Life that is truly Life. Margaret Anne is serving as a telescope in my life and in the life of all who will look and see the beautiful Life she was created to reflect!

~ Mary Michael

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” - Isaiah 43:19